And Then We Came to the End

It could have been a lot worse.

Saturday morning I awoke to a thunderstorm.  It was pouring.  Not just raining, but a biblical-flood inducing storm.  I had visions of Lieutenant Dan challenging God to a showdown.

And folks that live around these parts know that Hines Drive is closed 200 days per year for flooding, so I was thinking this race might turn into the Tough Mudder, minus the electric fences.

Fortunately, the rain stopped and the road was wet, but not much standing water.  

Like most races I've participated in, the pre-race line for the port-a-jons was HUGE, so I just opted to take my last pee in the woods along with 50 other guys and gals who didn't feel like waiting.  And one guy dropping a deuce in the woods while his lady friend stood there watching.

I'm not sure if this was an official Wayne County sponsored event, but our embattled County Executive Bob Ficano was on hand to start the race.  They were missing a starter's pistol and Bob cracked a pretty good joke that they amazingly didn't have any firearms even with a few hundred police on hand as this was a fundraiser for a fallen first responder memorial.

So, Bob got us started by saying "Ready...Go!", completely skipping "Get Set".  This lack of attention to detail may help explain this:  http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20131002/METRO/310020102/Shuttering-unfinished-Wayne-Co-jail-cost-taxpayers-154-5M


And off we went.

Bob did run the 5k portion of the race.

 

Insert your own Wayne County jail joke about not finishing the completed project

I started off maybe 3/4 or the way toward the back of the pack.  Because of the herd of people, the first mile was pretty slow.  Finished that in about 9:30.  I picked up the pace for the 2nd mile and finished that at the 18:23 mark.  After 3 miles, I was at 27:10.

At this point, I realized that I am feeling pretty slow.  Not running in quicksand slow, but I'm going at a nice comfy pace, not pushing myself too hard.  Then I realized why.

I wasn't following a hot, half-naked chick.

See, that was one of my racing strategies back in the day.  I completely forgot about it.  I would pick a woman who looks like she runs a lot faster than me and I'd try to stay behind her.  It would help if she looked like this:

Unfortunately, I missed my chance to find my running buddy/source of speed inspiration.  Looking around, all I saw was people that looked like this:

 

I was going to have to do this myself.


It was just about this time that I noticed that my right knee was a bit sore and my right hip was downright aggravated.  Over the next 9 miles, it would alternate between being annoying and legitimately painful. 

Other than my hip, miles 4-12 were largely uneventful.  The course was kind of wet.  There was a pretty nasty hill that lasted maybe a quarter mile.  It was pretty freakin' humid. 

The race was pretty well organized overall.  Drink stations were plenty.  They passed out GU at 3 or 4 spots during the race.

For those that don't know, GU is basically flavored sugar paste in a ketchup packet.  It helps hydration, replenishes electrolytes, blah, blah blah.

Mostly, it tastes good enough, but my first shot was  something like Choco-Feces.  Then there was some kind of berry/banana (I hate banana), then I think a Tri-berry.  All joking aside, it helps tremendously and I'm very appreciative that the race provided it.

There were a few photographers taking pics of everyone.

Given the humidity, the jacket may have been overkill, but it was kind of chilly when the wind was blowing.  The orange hat is a staple of my longer races.  Helps my fans ID me on my way to the finish line.

At Mile 12, my hip stopped hurting and the last 1.1 miles was pretty enjoyable.  I had kept a pretty steady pace throughout and only slowed to a walk through the aid stations and to quickly call TheWife to let her know I was almost done.  She had TheKids at the finish line so I wanted to be sure they knew I was coming.

TheGirl told me the night before she would be my friend if I won, but that she would still be my friend if I didn't win.  So, I had a lot of incentive.

It was just a coincidence that they would wear their fire department jackets.  It just so happens that those are their rain coats and it had been raining.  Several people commented to TheWife how cool it was that they wore them, given the nature of the event.

When we got home, TheGirl wanted to see my medals from previous races.  To her surprise, they have been in a box in her closet since she was born.  She took all of them and put them all on.

Now, what about my goals?

1. Finish in under 2:15 - As you can see, my official time was 2:09:11 and I came in 270th place out of 595.  Top 45%, yo.
1. So, slower than when I ran my first Half in 2007 by almost 12 minutes.
2. Faster than when I ran my 2nd  in 2008 with plantar faciitis(8 weeks after my only marathon) by 9 minutes.
2. No plantar faciitis - None.  As a precaution, I wore my "boot"  to bed Friday night.  I wore it for 6 months when I had this problem 5 years ago.  It kept my foot stretched all night.
3. No shin splints - None
4. No taint chafing - Eh.  Without going into too much detail, that particular area was a wee bit sore for the rest of the day on Saturday.  When I woke up Sunday, it was fine again.

Overall, I'm really surprised at how well I felt Saturday.  My right knee and hip were sore, but it was better than what I experienced on some of my training runs.

Do I plan to do this again?

Saturday, I said this was it.  The pain in my knees, feet, and now my hip is really f'ing annoying.  I've already had surgery on both knees and I have arthritis in both of them according to my orthopedic surgeon.

Sunday, I stuck by that declaration.

Now, Monday night, I'm keeping the possibility open.  For the right race at the right time, I will consider it.  I do love running.  It suits my Type A personality as you can plan, organize, set goals, and systematically work toward the event.  When it's done, there is a sense of accomplishment and then you can start over again and start working on another one.

So, maybe.

*******************************************************************************
Well, I guess this is the end of the Running Back From Retirement blog.  I've really enjoyed writing it and I hope those of you still reading haven't thought it wasted too much of your time.  Thank you for your time and consideration.  I've been very surprised at the number of people that have complimented me on this, given my low number of official followers. 

If I continue on, the name is going to have to change.  RBFR had a finite lifespan and reached its natural conclusion with the completion of this race.  Actually, at times it felt somewhat limiting as I thought it needed a running angle for most posts.  I'd like it to be broader in scope so that if I want to spend a few hours writing about the Breaking Bad finale or something funny/infuriating that my children do, it will still seem appropriate.

What about "Wham, Bam, Thank You Cam"?  Or "Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Man"? 

Maybe I'll have a contest to name the new blog.  Would you be interested?

Eve of Destruction

Let's all bum out shall we?

Destruction of what, you might ask?  Why, my fragile little ego, that's what.

Why am I bringing down the mood before we begin?  Because tomorrow morning is the Heroes on Hines Half Marathon.  I am really unprepared.  Seriously unprepared.  Unprepared to a degree I find embarrassing, and quite honestly, a bit worrisome.

This lack of preparedness is very un-me-like. Being a barely-talented and generally unlucky individual,  I normally obsess over my preparedness.  My objective while preparing for most events is to plan for as many possible outcomes as possible, so as to avoid surprises on the big day.  I want to have experienced, at a minimum, maybe just in my own head, every conceivable scenario I might encounter.  First, I research the hell out of the event or activity, reading everything I can get my hands on.  Then, I imagine the scenario how I think it will occur.  Next, I try to predict the possible problems, imagine everything that could possibly go wrong.  Finally, devise hypothetical solutions.  And, when possible, I test those hypotheses repeatedly to see if the situation can be converted into a repeatable formula that I can rely on come the event.  Yep, I know it is insane.

Want some examples?

1. For fantasy football season, I typically begin preparing for my first draft a month in advance by reading every article on the subject on all of the major fantasy football websites - espn, yahoo sports, cbs.sportsline, NFL, etc....  Then, I take the cheat sheet rankings provided by espn, and copy them into an excel spreadsheet.  Next, I rearrange the list, moving players up or down in the rankings based on the cumulative opinions of the so-called experts.  Then, I participate in mock drafts on espn.com.  Drafts, plural.  In 2012, I probably did close to 30 of these.  Do I win?  No, of course not, but I'm prepared.  This year, I added listening to a fantasy football podcast to my prep.  Does any of this help?  No, of course not, it's all luck anyway.

2. Back in 2007, I was asked to emcee my employer's annual conference.  It's kind of a big deal in our nerdy CPA world.  That year, to make it more complicated, the event organizers thought the conference should be in the format of a late night talkshow, including opening the conference with me doing a monologue.  So, for 3 months, I recorded Leno and Letterman every night and watched their monologues.  Studied their monologues.   How they stand.  What they do with their hands.  How they scan the audience with their eyes.  I also watched several stand-up comedy specials from Chris Rock.  Not that I could use any of  Rock's jokes, but I studied how he moves on the stage.  He doesn't stand still.  He constantly moves.  From his entrance, he doesn't just pace from side to side.  He STALKS the stage like a jungle cat.  He OWNS that space. 

(Note:  I was very close to putting my favorite Rock bit here, but there is a wee bit too much N-word.  I may want a political career some day.)

The writers of the conference would have been wise to study the joke writing with the same dedication.  Let's just say that the funniest CPA in a building with 1600 CPAs is still a CPA.

I do this with everything.

I think it may frustrate TheWife when she offers a suggestion to me on how to do something and I tell her I already thought of that and it won't work. "Try it", she says.  I don't need to.  I ran it through the simulator 3 days ago.

Now, this maniacal process doesn't mean I get any of this crap right.  I just want to be sure I perform the best I can when the situation arises.  I want to ensure I am making decisions with the best information I can.

That's why my lack of training is un-me-like and I'm concerned this adventure will end in disappointment.  In the 9 weeks since I signed up for this race, I think I've run 10 times.  I haven't run in two weeks.  And that last time wasn't exactly Olympian-style training.

Last weekend, I had every intention of running an easy 6 or 8 outside.  Saturday, the weather was perfect.  Unfortunately for my running, TheFamily and I were out of town for my nephew's birthday party (it was a lovely time and I ate too much).  On Sunday when we got home, it was raining and generally shitty out, so I opted to stay in.

So, tomorrow at 8am, I'll head out on 13.1 miles of "fun".  It should be 63-68 degrees with high-90's humidity.  Going to be a bit sweaty.  I pledge to you, my faithful readers numbering in the dozens, that I will try my best.

6 years ago, I ran my first half in just under 2 hours.  That was at about the same weight I am now, but I had been running 3 days per week all summer.

5 years ago, I ran my 2nd half,  8 weeks after running my only complete marathon.  I did this with plantar fasciitis and a LOT of advil.  My time for that race was just under 2:20.  I was very surprised how far my conditioning had fallen off in only 8 weeks.

So, let's set a goal of running this in 2:15.   And not getting plantar fasciitis.  Or shin splints.  Or any other affliction of my legs.  While we're at it, let's keep the taint un-chafed.  And the nips bloodless. 

I'll let you  know how it goes.

Treadmill Warrior

With  2 weeks left before my half marathon, I have paused for some reflection.  My training over the last 7 weeks has not exactly happened as I first envisioned, nor has this blog which was meant to be a running diary of my running. 

Crazy as it (doesn't) sound, 36 y/o father of 2 hasn't allocated as much time for this training as 31 y/o guy without any kids did for my marathon back in 2008. 

Back then, I was really focused on the accomplishment of running 26.2 miles.  I needed to run.  I needed to finish that race.  Becoming a marathon runner meant something to me, like somehow I needed the achievement as part of my personal portfolio.

Now?  Eh.....I don't need it anywhere near as much.

Don't get me wrong.  I want to run.  I still enjoy running very much.   I want to run this race.  I want the accomplishment.  I want the feeling of achievement that comes with it.

But, my self image, my feeling of self worth, it isn't tied to running these distances any more.

Some of it probably has to do with the "been there, done that" aspect.  I've already run 2 halves, one in Las Vegas.  I've already run a full marathon.  This isn't new.

Some of it probably has to do with TheKids also.  On one hand, they just make everything more difficult.  It's much harder to get out of the house for a couple hours to go run when they are stuck on me like stink on a homeless person as soon as I get home.  It is really hard to justify, at least in my head, doing something that is unnecessary for myself when I could be taking TheKids to the park or going on a bike ride with TheBoy.

At this point, I'm still committed to finishing this project, but I'm not half-crazed about it.

I'm curious to see how I'll feel in the few days leading up to the race.  Will I be excited about it?  Will I just be wishing for it to be over?

I guess we'll see.

***********************************************************************************

Since my adventure in the wilds of Farwell, MI back on Labor Day weekend, I've been running twice a week, but it has mostly been inside on the treadmill.  Not the best way to train, but at least it is something.

The weekend of the 7th, I had TheKids while TheWife was in Kentucky for a wedding.  As such, getting out for an outdoor run was not going to be in the cards.  I planned on going to the gym on both Saturday and Sunday morning, running each time.

On Friday night, after the kids went to bed, I sat at the kitchen table and worked for a little bit.  When I got up from the table, I had a shooting pain down my right leg from my groin-ish area to my knee.  It flared with each step.  It's not something I've had before and I have no idea what would have brought it on.  I had taken the kids to the park, but I hadn't bounced around at all.  Saturday morning, I was wincing with each step.

At the gym, I did a bunch of extra stretching, rode the bike for 20 minutes, and loosened up the leg on the treadmill by walking up a pretty good incline.  After it finally felt OK, I did an easy 5k.  Not exactly the training I planned.  And no more shooting pains.  Weird.

On Sunday, I came into some football tickets at the last minute and took TheKids to their first Lions game with Grandpa and LaLa.

So, no running on Sunday either.  Lions won, though.

By the way, I told TheBoy about how sometimes it's hard to get into the bathroom quickly at a profootball game and that he should tell us he has to go potty before it becomes an emergency and he pees his pants.  He really took that to heart.  He peed before we left the house.  Then again at Grandpa's house.  Then at a port-a-john outside the stadium.  Then 5 more times in the stadium before halftime was over.  Then, one last time as we walked out of the stadium.  No accidents, so there's that.

On Tuesday the 10th, it was 90+ degrees and TheWife took TheKids to TheAunt's house to go swimming.  Guess who got a free night?  Went to the gym and ran.  And sweated.  And sweated some more.  It was f'ing HUMID in there.  Did 6 miles on the treadmill and had an awesomely disgusting puddle to clean up when I was done.

The weekend of the 14th, I mixed it up a bit.  Ran from my home to the gym, then did an hour on the treadmill, then ran home.  Altogether, that was about 10.5 miles with 4.5 being outside.  My thought being this would be easier on my knees.  And I was right.  Didn't have anywhere near the discomfort I normally do if I did all 10.5 outside.

This weekend, TheWife is out of town again for another Kentucky wedding.  She's never gone to Kentucky before in her first 33 years on the planet, then has 2 Kentucky weddings in 16 days.  So, I stayed home with the kids which means I'm running on the treadmill.  This morning, I did 80 minutes.  Trying to do something different again, I ran the entire 80 minutes on a 5% incline, but at a slower pace of only 5mph.  So, the distance wasn't as much as I'd normally cover in that amount of time, but I still burned just under 1000 calories.  Tomorrow morning, I think I'll do the same thing.

Next weekend, being the last weekend before the race, I'm planning on getting outside for maybe a quick 6 or 8 miles.  Nothing crazy.


Anybody interested in joining me for the race on Oct 5th?  Plenty of spots available.

http://heroesonhines.com/#

$59 for a half marathon is a heck of a deal and the proceeds go to a worthwhile cause.


See ya.

1000 Page Views and 2 Hours of Sweaty Hell

Congratulations to us?

Being new to this blog game, I have no idea if 1000 pageviews is really a lot.  I have no idea how that translates into the number of people that have actually read anything I've written.  Given the relatively low number of actual followers, I am sceptical of this number.  Still, 1000 sounds like it could be a lot, so I'm just going to go with it.

Congratulations to us!!!!!

Thank you so much, all 1000 of you, for reading my largely incoherent ramblings about the dumb things I do while trying to run my comeback race.  I've enjoyed the creative outlet and plan to continue on in some way even past my Half in October.


In the last 2 weeks, I've managed to run all of 3 times.  The frequency of my runs narrowly surpasses the frequency of my recent blog posts.  2 of those 3 have been on a treadmill, so they barely even count.

My one run of any merit was this past weekend while we were up north for the holiday weekend.  My father-in-law has a great place on a lake near Farwell, MI.  I've ran up there for years, mostly to sweat out the beer from the night before or to get away from the kids for a little me time.  Pre-training, I had a standard 3 or 6 mile trek.  The 3 mile loop ran 3/4 of the way around the lake, then back home.  The 6 mile trek went 3/4 of the way around the lake, then into town, then back.

I've been running increasingly longer distances every other weekend. This time, I set out to go as far as I could in 2 hours, going out for 60 minutes, then turning around and going back.  Based on previous longer runs, I figured that would end up somewhere in the 12-13 mile range.  To start, I did the first half of my standard 6 mile Farwell circuit, running 3/4 of the way around the lake, then into town.  Then, I hopped on the rail-trail, a converted former railroad, and headed west.

The railtrail is paved with ashphalt, so it was a bit easier on the knees.  And, it is in the middle of freakin' nowhere.  If you want to kill someone in peace and quiet, this is the place for you.

I hit the rail-trail at just before the 30 minute mark and headed west.  I started to feel a bit of a "pull" in the bottom of my foot, so I stopped a couple times to stretch it out.  The last thing I want at this point is a recurrance of my plantar faciitis.  Unlike 5 years ago, I'm not going to get cortisone shots and gut out my next race.  Faciitis walks in the door and I'm retiring for good.

At exactly the 60 minute mark, I turned around and started heading back.  No idea how far I actually was at this point since there isn't much in the way of distance markings.  A few minutes later, I decided to take a picture to the east and to the west to show just how desolate this trail is.

Altogether, I ended up on this trail for 60 or 65 minutes and saw 4 or 5 people on bikes.  Nobody else.  No buildings.  No roads crossing it.  There were a couple snowmobile trails that shot off of it, but you couldn't really see anything other than what these pics show.  For the first half mile or so, I could hear the main road in the distance, but eventually it was just silence.

I was hoping to maybe see a deer, but that didn't happen.  I did see what I think were some turkeys crossing the trail, but they were far enough that I'm not entirely positive they were turkeys.  No squirrels or rabbits.  A few grasshoppers and butterflies are the only instances of wildlife I can actually confirm.

As I was listening to a podcast that I had already downloaded, I'm not even sure if I had cell service.  I guess it's possible that had I encountered danger or had a heart attack, I might have been in some trouble.  I did have a small folding knife tucked into my water belt for all the good that would have done for me.

How did the run feel?  Glad you asked.  It felt like crap.

As I waited for the kids to go down for their naps, it was after 2pm by the time I headed out.  The temp was in the high 80's and very humid.  I had indulged in a few semi-tolerable Busch Lite's the night before and probably hadn't done a great job of hydrating that morning.  I also didn't really fuel up particularly effectively as I had eaten a Nature Valley bar for breakfast and a turkey/salami/cheese sandwich for lunch, along with 2 or 3 diet Dews. 

And I'm a fat turd who isn't running nearly enough to call this "training".

So, I kept a decent enough pace for the first 60 miles out, even taking a few swigs from my water belt, but as soon as I made the turnaround to come back, my legs felt like lead.  It was a struggle from that point forward.  Miles 7-9 (approximately) was on the railtrail heading back to Farwell.  I probably slowed to a walk for a drink, a faciitis-preventing foot stretch, or just to rest maybe half a dozen times in this 3 miles.

As I got closer to town and could see the big water tower that's says "FARWELL", I checked my watch and noted that I was behind schedule by a couple minutes.  This was enough motivation that I picked up my pace for maybe a mile or so before that leaden feeling came back. 

For the last 3 miles, heading back to the Lake from town, I slowed to a walk maybe another half dozen times.  I even called TheWife to let her know I was going to be a few minutes past my 2 hour estimate so she wouldn't get worried.  She asked if I wanted to get picked up, as if I would allow that to happen.  I'm slightly stubborn and I'd have to be legitimately injured to even consider not finishing what I started.  Even an injury probably wouldn't do it unless I had to resort to crawling.  Crawling might be the line.

Not 2 minutes after hanging up with her, my father-in-law pulled up next to me and offered me a ride.  I thanked him for the offer and declined.  Later, I verified with TheWife that she hadn't sent him on a rescue mission.  I was ready to be pissed as that would be an open assault on my manliness and could not be tolerated, but he had been in to town for a hardware run and that is the way he'd normally come home.  Marital crisis averted.

I walked/ran back to the cottage and clicked off my watch at 2:06:36, so that 2nd half was a good minute-plus per mile slower than the first half.  Not good at all.

Thankfully, I didn't have much pain afterwards.  My knees and ankles were a bit sore and I did the normal Fred Sanford shuffle the rest of the day, but nothing out of the ordinary.  The next day was largely pain-free and I even snuck out during naptime to play some golf.

Monday morning, I ran on the treadmill at the gym for a few miles. I had to labor through that.  My legs just didn't seem to respond like they are supposed to.  I suppose that is just some of the lingering effect from Friday.

Looking ahead, this coming weekend will be all treadmilll as I am solo-parenting while TheWife attends a wedding out of town.  The following weekend I had pencilled in a 14 mile run, but I'm going to have to give that some thought.  I planned for that to be the apex of my "training" and I'd then dial it down for the last few weeks before the Half.  If it is anywhere near as hot and humid as this past weekend was, I may need to make some modifications.

As for my writing, I've come up with a non-running topic that I'm considering sharing.  It has to do with one of the presents my daughter received for her third birthday and the innappropriate pictures I took of it.  Let's just say Buzz Lightyear enjoyed a little R'n'R with one of Barbie's friends.

10.5 miles - Shuffling like Fred Sanford Again

Last week, running in the evening, I felt fan-freakin-tastic doing 8 miles, 2 longer than I had planned.  So, I was really looking forward to getting out this week.  It has been a long week since then with a golf weekend/drunkfest, a couple late work nights, and a few family nights culminating with taking TheKids to the drive-in last night. 

I need to get my miles in and my schedule calls for a 10 miler this weekend.  Every other weekend, I'm running 2 miles longer than I had before.  During the 2 weeks in between, I'm supposed to get out 3 to 5 times for shorter distances.  During the past 8 days, I've golfed 3 times, played cornhole, pulled some weeds, and sat at my desk, but not ran once.  It's not that I'm not taking it seriously, it was just a bad week.

So, I had the time scheduled.  TheWife was onboard for kid duty.  The weather was going to be nice - warm but not too warm.  I had my route in my head.  Everything was lined up for a great run.

Let's just say it wasn't how I had envisioned it.

As I mentioned, we went to the drive-in last night.  Largely uneventful.  At 4:45 this morning, we were woken by the sound of TheGirl crying.  We walked into her room and found her bed, her pillow, her Minnie Mouse doll, and TheGirl herself covered in blood-red slime.  Took a second to realize it was the remnant of the cherry slushy she drank at the drive-in.  It was everywhere.

There must have been a TON of red foodcoloring in that slushy, because the puke was like ink.

OK, maybe not that bad.


TheWife took TheGirl to the shower and I cleaned the bed.  Thankfully, it was mostly contained in the bed.  At 6, we finally got back to bed.  At 7, TheBoy climbed into our bed as he does every day, so that was the end of my good sleep.

When I finally got out for my run, I had already done my usual warm-up ritual of stretching and the like.  The weather was beautiful, 70-something degrees.  I walked to the end of the block as I usually do, turned on my heart-rate monitor, and began running...

...in quicksand?

Did I gain 40lbs in the last 8 days?

Was I dragging an anchor?

Last week, I felt light and bouncy.  Today, I felt slow and plodding.  Just a chore to keep going.

I guess the long layoff hurt me.  And maybe the bad night of sleep.  And the fact this was the first thing in the morning and I really hadn't fueled or hydrated well.  And any other excuses I can think of.  Whatever it was, it was the polar opposite of how I felt last week.

It did get better.  I loosened up a bit, but not like it was a week ago.

My route today took me 1.8miles on the concrete back to that same trail as last week (Sarah - Yes, the lower Rouge).  Ran that all the way to the end, then back, about 5 miles in total on the trail, then back on the concrete to my starting point.  Then, a mile out and back in the opposite direction.  All together 10.5 miles.

Not sure on my exact time as I messed up my watch twice, but it was about an hour and forty minutes, less than 10 minute miles.  I might have to breakdown and actually use TheWife's GPS watch to figure out just how much slower I am on the trails than on the concrete.  It's worth losing some speed to save some wear and tear on my legs.

The last 2.5 miles on the concrete were pretty tough.  I wasn't expecting that following how well I felt last week.  I think I just ran out of steam.

No blisters.  No chafing.  My right foot and both knees are pretty sore.  My hamstrings are pissed off.  My right groin continues to be tight.  Overall, not as bad as the 8 miler two weeks ago, but much worse than the 8 miler last week.

So, I'm walking like Fred Sanford.

Still, it was the longest I've run in 5 years.  That counts for something, I think.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to get to the gym in the morning, but that will depend on the health of my household.  TheGirl has had a fever off and on today, peaking at 104, and now the TheWife might be coming down with something too.  If I get out, it will likely just be to ride the bike.

Back From the Dead

Hey, long time, no see.  Glad to have you back!

And, I feel terrible that I'm about to disappoint you.

It's been a week since my last run.  After my too-long-private-chafing adventure last week, I haven't been out since.  Not because I've been hurt.  Actually, the minor chafing didn't bother me at all the following couple days as I golfed, drank, and cornholed my way through the 20th Annual Mid-Michigan Drunkfest.  Complete with commemorative koozie, by the way.

Then, a couple late work nights and a couple nights playing with my neglected kids.  Get up early, you say?  No, I don't do morning runs other than my races.  Too often, they end in a potty emergency.

No running = limited material for writing about in a running blog.  Kind of problematic.

When I first started writing this blog, I had stockpiled a couple ideas for topics to talk about in the inevitable downtimes as I knew I would not get out 3 or 4 times per week.  I got about 700 words into one of them, about the origin of my running mantra, but then realized it would probably be boring to the vast majority of the world, except those who loved the TV show Lost.  If I ever publish a post called "Walkabout", you'll know I was either desparate for material or found a better angle to approach it from.

For any Lost-ophiles, here is a walk down memory lane:

"Don't tell me what I can't do!"

You are damn right, John Locke.


According to my very fluid training schedule, this weekend is my 10 mile training run.  As good as I felt last week, I am very much looking forward to getting out this weekend and clearing my head.  It's amazing how torturing your body can clear your mind.  Everything seems to make sense mid-run.  I've done some of my best thinking recently (I know, it's a small population to draw from) out on the road.  

I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm a Dumb@$$

I haven't run outside since last Friday's 8 miler.  I haven't ran period since Sunday's Miller Lite and soft pretzel fueled treadmill run.  With TheFamily gone tonight, it was a perfect opportunity to get out by myself.  Those chances do not come around too often.

I was in the office a bit late, then had to stop at Meijer on my way home.  By the time I was ready to go out, it was 8:13.  I figured I'd go out for 6 miles and be home just as it was getting dark.  Outside, I typically run around 8 to 9 minutes per mile, so I should be home by 9:10 at the latest.

As I was figuring out where to go, I thought of my knees and the concrete and how my neighbor refuses to run on concrete anymore.  It occurred to me that there is a gravel trail that starts a little more than 1.5 miles from my house, then comes back to a main road.  I'm thinking from point A to point B on the trail is about 3 miles, so I'll have 1.5 miles on concrete, then 3 miles on the gravel trail, then another 1.5 miles on the concrete on the way home.  I've never run this trail, but I drive by the various places it crosses the main roads all the time.

I pass the 1.5 mile mark at 12 minutes and change, so I'm making good time.  I turn onto the gravel trail just about 15 minutes in.

Then I run for a while on the gravel.  It's a very woodsy trail and feels very much like I'm somewhere up north.  Really, a nice change of pace from pounding down the concrete on main roads.  On a scale of 1-10, my seasonal allergies are about a 2 or 3 and I could definitely feel something change in my breathing as I got off the main road and got into the trees, fields, and such. Not terrible by any means.

Up to this point, I feel much, much better than I did last week.  I changed my gait slightly, shortening my stride.  The pounding on my feet and knees was noticibly less and I feel quicker, less plodding, than I did last week; however, I haven't passed a main road and the first one should be about a half mile, or 4 or 5 minutes since I got on the trail.  Something isn't right.

Periodically on the trail, there are little maps that show you where you are and the various landmarks along the trail.  I stop to study one for a few seconds.  At this point, I realize that I am a dumbass.

The trail does not run straight from West to East.  It runs to the southeast, away from my house.  I try to figure out in my head just how far I am going to go past the 6 miles I planned.

And, the sun is down.  It's going to get dark soon.

If things had gone according to my original (incorrect) plan, I would have somewhere between 1.5 and 2.0 miles to go after getting off the trail.  This should have taken me somewhere between 12 and 18 minutes depending on my distance and pace.  I first thought my run would take about 54 minutes and I'd be home around 9:10 just as it was getting pretty dark.

By the time I got to where I knew I had about 2 miles left, it was already VERY dark.  It was very overcast, so no moonlight to help.

It's not like I'm scared of the dark or afraid some boogie man if going to get me, it's just that I'm not wearing anything reflective so cars can't see me and it's hard to see things like cracks in the sidewalk.

About 1.5 miles from home, I caught my toe on uneven sidewalk squares and nearly bit it.  That would have been a pretty gnarly scrape on my knees and probably my hands and arms.  Fortunately, I was able to pull out of it before falling.   If it wasn't pitch black at this point and someone had seen this, it would have been a pretty good laugh.  For them.

I finished in complete darkness and stopped my watch.  It had taken 1:13.  19 minutes longer than it should have.  I just mapped it out on Mapmyrun.com.  I ran 7.9 miles.  Oops.

On the bright side, by changing my gait and incorporating an extra stretch before going out, my knees, ankles, achilles, and groin all feel pretty good.  Tomorrow might be a different story, but for now, those are not a problem.

Last time, I had a slight nipple chafe.  Thanks to

 

my nips were perfectly protected.  I'm sure you wanted to know that.

 

 

 

**********New injury alert************New injury alert******************

 

I did not escape my 7.9 mile excursion free of chafing.  A particular area somewhere between my knees and waist incurred some minor chafing.  In the shower afterwards, I felt a pretty good sting on the ol' undercarriage.

 

Yep, I chafed my taint.

 

My registered nurse mother is cringing while reading this and would prefer I call it by its proper name, the perineum, but that just isn't my style.

 

From http://wikiality.wikia.com/Taint:

 

"Taint is a term used to refer to the perineum (the region of the human body between the testicles and the anus). This term has no basis in medical terminology and is most often considered lewd and obscene. Taint is specific to males and females.
Originated when medical professionals were trying to find a suitable alternative to the term perineum. "Well, t'ain't part of the penis and t'aint part of the asshole..."

 

 

 

So now you know, and knowing is half the battle.