I'm a Dumb@$$

I haven't run outside since last Friday's 8 miler.  I haven't ran period since Sunday's Miller Lite and soft pretzel fueled treadmill run.  With TheFamily gone tonight, it was a perfect opportunity to get out by myself.  Those chances do not come around too often.

I was in the office a bit late, then had to stop at Meijer on my way home.  By the time I was ready to go out, it was 8:13.  I figured I'd go out for 6 miles and be home just as it was getting dark.  Outside, I typically run around 8 to 9 minutes per mile, so I should be home by 9:10 at the latest.

As I was figuring out where to go, I thought of my knees and the concrete and how my neighbor refuses to run on concrete anymore.  It occurred to me that there is a gravel trail that starts a little more than 1.5 miles from my house, then comes back to a main road.  I'm thinking from point A to point B on the trail is about 3 miles, so I'll have 1.5 miles on concrete, then 3 miles on the gravel trail, then another 1.5 miles on the concrete on the way home.  I've never run this trail, but I drive by the various places it crosses the main roads all the time.

I pass the 1.5 mile mark at 12 minutes and change, so I'm making good time.  I turn onto the gravel trail just about 15 minutes in.

Then I run for a while on the gravel.  It's a very woodsy trail and feels very much like I'm somewhere up north.  Really, a nice change of pace from pounding down the concrete on main roads.  On a scale of 1-10, my seasonal allergies are about a 2 or 3 and I could definitely feel something change in my breathing as I got off the main road and got into the trees, fields, and such. Not terrible by any means.

Up to this point, I feel much, much better than I did last week.  I changed my gait slightly, shortening my stride.  The pounding on my feet and knees was noticibly less and I feel quicker, less plodding, than I did last week; however, I haven't passed a main road and the first one should be about a half mile, or 4 or 5 minutes since I got on the trail.  Something isn't right.

Periodically on the trail, there are little maps that show you where you are and the various landmarks along the trail.  I stop to study one for a few seconds.  At this point, I realize that I am a dumbass.

The trail does not run straight from West to East.  It runs to the southeast, away from my house.  I try to figure out in my head just how far I am going to go past the 6 miles I planned.

And, the sun is down.  It's going to get dark soon.

If things had gone according to my original (incorrect) plan, I would have somewhere between 1.5 and 2.0 miles to go after getting off the trail.  This should have taken me somewhere between 12 and 18 minutes depending on my distance and pace.  I first thought my run would take about 54 minutes and I'd be home around 9:10 just as it was getting pretty dark.

By the time I got to where I knew I had about 2 miles left, it was already VERY dark.  It was very overcast, so no moonlight to help.

It's not like I'm scared of the dark or afraid some boogie man if going to get me, it's just that I'm not wearing anything reflective so cars can't see me and it's hard to see things like cracks in the sidewalk.

About 1.5 miles from home, I caught my toe on uneven sidewalk squares and nearly bit it.  That would have been a pretty gnarly scrape on my knees and probably my hands and arms.  Fortunately, I was able to pull out of it before falling.   If it wasn't pitch black at this point and someone had seen this, it would have been a pretty good laugh.  For them.

I finished in complete darkness and stopped my watch.  It had taken 1:13.  19 minutes longer than it should have.  I just mapped it out on Mapmyrun.com.  I ran 7.9 miles.  Oops.

On the bright side, by changing my gait and incorporating an extra stretch before going out, my knees, ankles, achilles, and groin all feel pretty good.  Tomorrow might be a different story, but for now, those are not a problem.

Last time, I had a slight nipple chafe.  Thanks to

 

my nips were perfectly protected.  I'm sure you wanted to know that.

 

 

 

**********New injury alert************New injury alert******************

 

I did not escape my 7.9 mile excursion free of chafing.  A particular area somewhere between my knees and waist incurred some minor chafing.  In the shower afterwards, I felt a pretty good sting on the ol' undercarriage.

 

Yep, I chafed my taint.

 

My registered nurse mother is cringing while reading this and would prefer I call it by its proper name, the perineum, but that just isn't my style.

 

From http://wikiality.wikia.com/Taint:

 

"Taint is a term used to refer to the perineum (the region of the human body between the testicles and the anus). This term has no basis in medical terminology and is most often considered lewd and obscene. Taint is specific to males and females.
Originated when medical professionals were trying to find a suitable alternative to the term perineum. "Well, t'ain't part of the penis and t'aint part of the asshole..."

 

 

 

So now you know, and knowing is half the battle.