And Then We Came to the End

It could have been a lot worse.

Saturday morning I awoke to a thunderstorm.  It was pouring.  Not just raining, but a biblical-flood inducing storm.  I had visions of Lieutenant Dan challenging God to a showdown.

And folks that live around these parts know that Hines Drive is closed 200 days per year for flooding, so I was thinking this race might turn into the Tough Mudder, minus the electric fences.

Fortunately, the rain stopped and the road was wet, but not much standing water.  

Like most races I've participated in, the pre-race line for the port-a-jons was HUGE, so I just opted to take my last pee in the woods along with 50 other guys and gals who didn't feel like waiting.  And one guy dropping a deuce in the woods while his lady friend stood there watching.

I'm not sure if this was an official Wayne County sponsored event, but our embattled County Executive Bob Ficano was on hand to start the race.  They were missing a starter's pistol and Bob cracked a pretty good joke that they amazingly didn't have any firearms even with a few hundred police on hand as this was a fundraiser for a fallen first responder memorial.

So, Bob got us started by saying "Ready...Go!", completely skipping "Get Set".  This lack of attention to detail may help explain this:  http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20131002/METRO/310020102/Shuttering-unfinished-Wayne-Co-jail-cost-taxpayers-154-5M


And off we went.

Bob did run the 5k portion of the race.

 

Insert your own Wayne County jail joke about not finishing the completed project

I started off maybe 3/4 or the way toward the back of the pack.  Because of the herd of people, the first mile was pretty slow.  Finished that in about 9:30.  I picked up the pace for the 2nd mile and finished that at the 18:23 mark.  After 3 miles, I was at 27:10.

At this point, I realized that I am feeling pretty slow.  Not running in quicksand slow, but I'm going at a nice comfy pace, not pushing myself too hard.  Then I realized why.

I wasn't following a hot, half-naked chick.

See, that was one of my racing strategies back in the day.  I completely forgot about it.  I would pick a woman who looks like she runs a lot faster than me and I'd try to stay behind her.  It would help if she looked like this:

Unfortunately, I missed my chance to find my running buddy/source of speed inspiration.  Looking around, all I saw was people that looked like this:

 

I was going to have to do this myself.


It was just about this time that I noticed that my right knee was a bit sore and my right hip was downright aggravated.  Over the next 9 miles, it would alternate between being annoying and legitimately painful. 

Other than my hip, miles 4-12 were largely uneventful.  The course was kind of wet.  There was a pretty nasty hill that lasted maybe a quarter mile.  It was pretty freakin' humid. 

The race was pretty well organized overall.  Drink stations were plenty.  They passed out GU at 3 or 4 spots during the race.

For those that don't know, GU is basically flavored sugar paste in a ketchup packet.  It helps hydration, replenishes electrolytes, blah, blah blah.

Mostly, it tastes good enough, but my first shot was  something like Choco-Feces.  Then there was some kind of berry/banana (I hate banana), then I think a Tri-berry.  All joking aside, it helps tremendously and I'm very appreciative that the race provided it.

There were a few photographers taking pics of everyone.

Given the humidity, the jacket may have been overkill, but it was kind of chilly when the wind was blowing.  The orange hat is a staple of my longer races.  Helps my fans ID me on my way to the finish line.

At Mile 12, my hip stopped hurting and the last 1.1 miles was pretty enjoyable.  I had kept a pretty steady pace throughout and only slowed to a walk through the aid stations and to quickly call TheWife to let her know I was almost done.  She had TheKids at the finish line so I wanted to be sure they knew I was coming.

TheGirl told me the night before she would be my friend if I won, but that she would still be my friend if I didn't win.  So, I had a lot of incentive.

It was just a coincidence that they would wear their fire department jackets.  It just so happens that those are their rain coats and it had been raining.  Several people commented to TheWife how cool it was that they wore them, given the nature of the event.

When we got home, TheGirl wanted to see my medals from previous races.  To her surprise, they have been in a box in her closet since she was born.  She took all of them and put them all on.

Now, what about my goals?

1. Finish in under 2:15 - As you can see, my official time was 2:09:11 and I came in 270th place out of 595.  Top 45%, yo.
1. So, slower than when I ran my first Half in 2007 by almost 12 minutes.
2. Faster than when I ran my 2nd  in 2008 with plantar faciitis(8 weeks after my only marathon) by 9 minutes.
2. No plantar faciitis - None.  As a precaution, I wore my "boot"  to bed Friday night.  I wore it for 6 months when I had this problem 5 years ago.  It kept my foot stretched all night.
3. No shin splints - None
4. No taint chafing - Eh.  Without going into too much detail, that particular area was a wee bit sore for the rest of the day on Saturday.  When I woke up Sunday, it was fine again.

Overall, I'm really surprised at how well I felt Saturday.  My right knee and hip were sore, but it was better than what I experienced on some of my training runs.

Do I plan to do this again?

Saturday, I said this was it.  The pain in my knees, feet, and now my hip is really f'ing annoying.  I've already had surgery on both knees and I have arthritis in both of them according to my orthopedic surgeon.

Sunday, I stuck by that declaration.

Now, Monday night, I'm keeping the possibility open.  For the right race at the right time, I will consider it.  I do love running.  It suits my Type A personality as you can plan, organize, set goals, and systematically work toward the event.  When it's done, there is a sense of accomplishment and then you can start over again and start working on another one.

So, maybe.

*******************************************************************************
Well, I guess this is the end of the Running Back From Retirement blog.  I've really enjoyed writing it and I hope those of you still reading haven't thought it wasted too much of your time.  Thank you for your time and consideration.  I've been very surprised at the number of people that have complimented me on this, given my low number of official followers. 

If I continue on, the name is going to have to change.  RBFR had a finite lifespan and reached its natural conclusion with the completion of this race.  Actually, at times it felt somewhat limiting as I thought it needed a running angle for most posts.  I'd like it to be broader in scope so that if I want to spend a few hours writing about the Breaking Bad finale or something funny/infuriating that my children do, it will still seem appropriate.

What about "Wham, Bam, Thank You Cam"?  Or "Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Man"? 

Maybe I'll have a contest to name the new blog.  Would you be interested?

Eve of Destruction

Let's all bum out shall we?

Destruction of what, you might ask?  Why, my fragile little ego, that's what.

Why am I bringing down the mood before we begin?  Because tomorrow morning is the Heroes on Hines Half Marathon.  I am really unprepared.  Seriously unprepared.  Unprepared to a degree I find embarrassing, and quite honestly, a bit worrisome.

This lack of preparedness is very un-me-like. Being a barely-talented and generally unlucky individual,  I normally obsess over my preparedness.  My objective while preparing for most events is to plan for as many possible outcomes as possible, so as to avoid surprises on the big day.  I want to have experienced, at a minimum, maybe just in my own head, every conceivable scenario I might encounter.  First, I research the hell out of the event or activity, reading everything I can get my hands on.  Then, I imagine the scenario how I think it will occur.  Next, I try to predict the possible problems, imagine everything that could possibly go wrong.  Finally, devise hypothetical solutions.  And, when possible, I test those hypotheses repeatedly to see if the situation can be converted into a repeatable formula that I can rely on come the event.  Yep, I know it is insane.

Want some examples?

1. For fantasy football season, I typically begin preparing for my first draft a month in advance by reading every article on the subject on all of the major fantasy football websites - espn, yahoo sports, cbs.sportsline, NFL, etc....  Then, I take the cheat sheet rankings provided by espn, and copy them into an excel spreadsheet.  Next, I rearrange the list, moving players up or down in the rankings based on the cumulative opinions of the so-called experts.  Then, I participate in mock drafts on espn.com.  Drafts, plural.  In 2012, I probably did close to 30 of these.  Do I win?  No, of course not, but I'm prepared.  This year, I added listening to a fantasy football podcast to my prep.  Does any of this help?  No, of course not, it's all luck anyway.

2. Back in 2007, I was asked to emcee my employer's annual conference.  It's kind of a big deal in our nerdy CPA world.  That year, to make it more complicated, the event organizers thought the conference should be in the format of a late night talkshow, including opening the conference with me doing a monologue.  So, for 3 months, I recorded Leno and Letterman every night and watched their monologues.  Studied their monologues.   How they stand.  What they do with their hands.  How they scan the audience with their eyes.  I also watched several stand-up comedy specials from Chris Rock.  Not that I could use any of  Rock's jokes, but I studied how he moves on the stage.  He doesn't stand still.  He constantly moves.  From his entrance, he doesn't just pace from side to side.  He STALKS the stage like a jungle cat.  He OWNS that space. 

(Note:  I was very close to putting my favorite Rock bit here, but there is a wee bit too much N-word.  I may want a political career some day.)

The writers of the conference would have been wise to study the joke writing with the same dedication.  Let's just say that the funniest CPA in a building with 1600 CPAs is still a CPA.

I do this with everything.

I think it may frustrate TheWife when she offers a suggestion to me on how to do something and I tell her I already thought of that and it won't work. "Try it", she says.  I don't need to.  I ran it through the simulator 3 days ago.

Now, this maniacal process doesn't mean I get any of this crap right.  I just want to be sure I perform the best I can when the situation arises.  I want to ensure I am making decisions with the best information I can.

That's why my lack of training is un-me-like and I'm concerned this adventure will end in disappointment.  In the 9 weeks since I signed up for this race, I think I've run 10 times.  I haven't run in two weeks.  And that last time wasn't exactly Olympian-style training.

Last weekend, I had every intention of running an easy 6 or 8 outside.  Saturday, the weather was perfect.  Unfortunately for my running, TheFamily and I were out of town for my nephew's birthday party (it was a lovely time and I ate too much).  On Sunday when we got home, it was raining and generally shitty out, so I opted to stay in.

So, tomorrow at 8am, I'll head out on 13.1 miles of "fun".  It should be 63-68 degrees with high-90's humidity.  Going to be a bit sweaty.  I pledge to you, my faithful readers numbering in the dozens, that I will try my best.

6 years ago, I ran my first half in just under 2 hours.  That was at about the same weight I am now, but I had been running 3 days per week all summer.

5 years ago, I ran my 2nd half,  8 weeks after running my only complete marathon.  I did this with plantar fasciitis and a LOT of advil.  My time for that race was just under 2:20.  I was very surprised how far my conditioning had fallen off in only 8 weeks.

So, let's set a goal of running this in 2:15.   And not getting plantar fasciitis.  Or shin splints.  Or any other affliction of my legs.  While we're at it, let's keep the taint un-chafed.  And the nips bloodless. 

I'll let you  know how it goes.